Sometimes I wish I could just have more energy poured into me.  It seems like there is always so much to do and sometimes it's hard to even know where to start on my to do list.

I'm tired, yet I'm anxious to get things organized in my home still and have things look really neat and make it easier to find things.  I keep having this ideal in my head of what my home should look like or be like, and there is so much that just isn't up to par yet, that I don't think I'll ever get it done before we move.  Of course, I guess once the kids get older they also won't blow through clothes as fast, so I won't constantly be putting clothes away or pulling out new things "Hey!  Look, this fits already!"  ...Yeah, maybe that will help some.  But it's still frustrating.  I guess if I think about it, even BEFORE I had kids, I couldn't totally keep up with it, so I can't feel too bad, right?

Yesterday we went to the opening social for the MPA program, which was pretty fun for as long as we got to stay before the babies needed to be in bed.

Good times, I will miss this place someday soon.

Well, I have to be brief.  So, for my Happy Thought of the Day: Everything is going to be okay.  No matter how hard, how scary, how frustrating things get... this is not the end.  A happy ending is always still possible if we really want it.

Olive oil, nursery, & reflections

Well, lots to report on, I guess.  Yesterday Eleanor and I went to church together since Garrett still has a bit of a cold (although it's much better now than it was) so Tim stayed home with him.  She was really good during Sacrament Meeting & I hoped that would keep up since we've been trying for many months now to get her to stay in nursery without us.  Well, after I left and waited outside the door, she was screaming "Mama-Mama-Mama!!!" like crazy.  I think she was beating on the door at one point, unless it was another kid (there's a peephole, but I couldn't see that close to the door).  Oh, MAN!  Why is life so hard sometimes?  I was about to burst into tears myself.  Eventually they calmed her down and she did fine with the nursery leaders and the other kids, but until then... man, I felt torn in two.  Half of me really wants her in there so she can be independent, but then the other half of me just wanted to whip that door open and grab her.  GOSH, being a mother is so hard!  Thankfully I restrained myself from bursting in there, because that experience was important for her.  I can't think of a time in my life where I've been so torn & empty yet relieved and thrilled.  I sat there in my Relief Society meeting (Woman's organization of our Church) feeling thrilled no one came to get me because that meant she was doing well, yet as if I were still standing outside that door thinking "Gosh, I hope she's okay!" nearly the whole time.  So, next time should be easier & it'll be Tim's turn anyhow, but this is an important step for her growth.  And our growth.  I try to tell myself this when things are rough.

Well, the other day Tim helped me get the black plastic straw thing out of the olive oil dispenser bottle (after I just finished filling it up again).  That was one of those moments that was probably entertaining for an observer to watch (if there were one), but very stressful at the time.  I was trying to make dinner, both kids were fussing, then there's poor Tim hunched over this bottle with chopsticks shouting "I almost got it!" every couple minutes.  He needed my help in pulling it out once he had it at the top, but- man!  He has better chopstick skills than me, it's official now.  (That's okay, I'll just chalk it up to his Asian genes to make myself feel better)  Speaking of those crazy moments, I was giving Eleanor a bath today and then Garrett leaked all over so Tim plopped him in the tub, too.  Garrett started freaking out, then Eleanor started freaking out, so they were both screaming their heads off in the tub together.  This, yes, this is how I know I'm feeling better because as frustrating as it was trying to calm one or both of them- part of me wanted to laugh at it.  In retrospect it's such a little thing.  They'll never even remember it.  And somehow, someway, SOMEday... I will miss even those moments.  :)

Well, there's lots more going on if I sit and think about it, but unfortunately my life is a bit too busy for that, so I'll just leave you with some reflections on family.  We had a great FHE tonight (family home evening) with a moving lesson on the importance of family and the eternal nature of families followed by a wii boxing round where Tim taught me how to play it (I've somehow always avoided the boxing one).  The memorable part not being who beat whom but rather how stupid I looked playing it & how I kept throwing punches ALL the time.  Haha, well, of the two of us, I got more of a workout, so THERE!  Haha, good times!  My husband is so patient with me.

I really have to mention how important family is.  There are so many ways that the family is under attack recently.  In my heart, this is what I always wanted.  I have two great kids, a loving husband, I even have great parents, in-laws, siblings, and extended family.  It links us together.  It tells us we won't ever be alone, no matter how hard things get, even if we don't always agree... we love each other, we try to support each other to help each other become better... and we want to live together forever.  After this life comes and goes.  I believe that families and marriages do not have to be "Until death do us part."  That really means so much when you sit and think about it.  

I love my family.  I'm grateful they put up with me sometimes.  :-P  I'm glad I put up with them.  Someday, this can be eternal.  And that matters more than a huge salary or being liked by millions of people or having a fancy car and house or getting to watch your favorite movie EVER in an IMAX theater... for free!  It's... trying.  But remember, coal and diamonds are made of the same stuff- the difference is pressure.  Trials.  Hardship.  It refines us in a way nothing else can.  Happy thought of the day?  I think that about covers it.  :)

Someday...

So.  I am sleep deprived, so I'll keep this short.  

I know I shouldn't be such a future oriented person, but how do you even start to control thoughts like that?  Sigh.

I put each of my kids to sleep tonight thinking about their futures.  Will Eleanor someday be a singer?  A musician?  Will she do well in school?  Will she be a good example as a big sister?  Will she be really obedient?  Will she come to know for herself that God loves her?  So many things to think about.  (Okay, we did just read O the Things You Can Think before bed, so maybe that got my brain going a little)  

Today she said "Minnie pray?  Minnie eat?"  I asked her if Minnie was going to pray before she ate her food.  "Yeah!  Dear Heavenly Father..." then she just grinned at me.  WOW!  Not even two years old... I... I am shocked at all she is capable of sometimes.  She also shocked me today when coloring she was using her yellow colored pencil and she said "Hard to see."  Haha!  How can a parent help but feel pride at how much they are learning?  God only knows what we are capable of, even as adults!  I mean... if kids so young with their brains still developing can learn so much so quickly... you put it together...

Watching Garrett (I think his new nickname aside from Gare Bear is becoming Chubb-Chubb) fall into a deep sleep in my arms I couldn't help but wonder about him as well.  Will he be gentle as his name Garrett means?  Will he serve a mission?  Will he like to make people smile and tell jokes?  Will he struggle finding his talents?  One can only guess.  God knows these amazing souls better than I ever will, even in all the days of my life here.  I am so blessed to have them both.

Garrett drank a bit of water from his sippy cup today.  With help tipping it up, of course.  He wasn't too opposed to it like Eleanor was at first, but he definitely preferred his binky.  We also gave him bananas for the 1st time today, and he HATED it.  It was pretty funny.  If he keeps it up, I'll have to sneak a video.  :)  He hasn't made a lot of funny faces while taking his solids for the first time like Eleanor did either.  Maybe he'll make up for it later.  :)

Happy thought of the day: No matter how bad the bad times are, good times replace them.  And in time, in retrospect looking back, we learn something important from those struggles.  It's not a total waste, even if it feels that way at the time.

Yikes Bikes!

Y

Yikes bikes, indeed!  Eleanor just started saying this today- it's a phrase her Aunt says.  It was pretty hilarious.  I guess I'll just catalog a few of the other cute Eleanor moments before I forget them.  We just got a package today and she wanted to open it.  I was feeding Garrett so I said she could go ahead and open it if she wanted to (there was clear packing tape all over, there was no real hope of her succeeding).  So she tried hard for about a minute then looked at me all seriously and said "Boo boo can't do."  Haha!  I didn't know she could even SAY "can't" let alone use it in context.  After that I told her I'd get it when Garrett was done eating.  I asked her if she was hungry, she burped right on cue then said "No."  Well.  I guess not.  Haha!  She took a 2.5 hour nap today!  I couldn't believe it-- the napless toddler of mine napped for so long... I didn't even know what to do with myself.  I laid her down, told her to lay down & try to sleep... and I gave her Minnie Mouse, closed the door and walked out.  Literally a one second whine, then I didn't hear from her again until two and a half hours later when I heard monkey sounds issuing from her bedroom.  Sometimes... life is fun.  :)

Well, there's so much to recap on, I don't even know where to start.  My in-laws came and went, it went by so fast!  Here are the quick overviews of it- our tv cabinet got repaired so our shelf won't snap in half now, we got some food (dark chocolate covered acai/blueberries, V8 Splash, spinach ravioli, three homemade meals, uncountable amounts of cookies/muffins, and flavored water, just to name a few), we saw Tim's cousin as she just came up to BYU, played lots with the kids (some new Minnie Mouse paraphernalia got left behind), had some adult conversation (Wow!  I know!  It's amazing!), and I got some work done on their scrapbooks/baby books. That's the short version of it.  It was hard saying goodbye, probably for everyone involved.  Eleanor might have shown that the most passionately, but in watching her as it was starting to sink in that Grandma & Grandpa weren't just saying goodnight but goodBYE, it's true, I know how she feels.  I just care too much about what people think to break down in tears like her about it.  Poor girl, there's nothing we can really say at this age to make it easier.  I tell her we'll see them at Christmas, but that means nothing to her yet.  It's hard to see your kids sad, that's for sure.  Thankfully, the next morning she did much better with it.


And what about Garrett?  Well, Eleanor's been trying to teach him how to walk:

I don't think he was so thrilled about it, although he didn't mind it, either.

Truth be told, I don't think he caught on very quickly.  It was fun but we ended just before my back gave out.

Good times, good times.  No, other then that, Garrett hasn't been feeling well, he's gotten a cold.  If it doesn't clear up really soon, we get to visit our pediatrician.  Actually, we need to anyhow, he's due for a check up and shots again.  Sigh.

I can't believe Garrett is so old!  I put him in a 6-12 month shirt today and it fit... I know he's going to be 8 months soon so it shouldn't have surprised me that it fit, but... I think it has something to do with the fact that is says 12 months at the end-  EEEEK!  He's so old!

 Well, not much I can do about it, I just need to enjoy each moment with him better, before it's all gone in the blink of an eye.

Here is my happy thought of the day: Reading the Ensign (our church magazine) and pondering my life and how I can make it better.  It makes me feel like a new person.  I need to do that every day, it feels so good!

"Grandma and Grandpa are coming!"

I

I feel like we've been telling Eleanor that for so long (ever since we left CA) and she really hasn't truly believed us until this evening when they came.  She seemed confused for a few minutes when they came in the door, but by the end of the night she seemed to be doing better (She's still addicted to Grandma like Garrett is to his binky).

I guess I'll throw caution to the superstitions and without knocking on wood will say they are both sleeping surprisingly well right now for sleeping so little during the day and going to bed so late.  

I'm excited for all that tomorrow may bring with my in-laws.  Sometimes I think it really helps me appreciate my own kids so much more once I see other people loving & enjoying them as well.  I'm not sure why but I won't knock it.  They are pretty stinking adorable.

I wonder if other people with children go through the same ups and downs as me.  Sometimes my kids are so needy & frustrating I think "How can I even handle what I have, let alone any more someday?"  And yet other days I feel like I could just have 20 kids just like them and it wouldn't be enough, it's just so wonderful to be a mother.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone in these feelings.  (For anyone reading this wishing for further clarification, no, I'm not pregnant again, but we do plan on having more than 2 for sure someday)

We went out to dinner at P.F. Changs (Yum!) and it was great.  I love being with my family.  In laws or not, they are my family and I'm blessed to have them in my life.  I don't know how many people can say that with all the stereotypical in law horror stories you hear out there.  But it's great.  Not sure what else this weekend holds for us, but I'll try to keep you up to date.

Well, here's my happy thought of the day: Nothing can mar your joy but yourself.  Even in the worst of situations, jokes can be made, smiles can ensue, and laughter (even through tears) can be the best medicine.  If the Messiah could love us enough to endure what He endured for us because He knew of the joy it would bring to the world as a result... there is no true sorrow in our sorrows.  For as we will, all that is wrong can be made right again.  What could possibly be a happier thought than that?

 

Sense of accomplishment

I ought to have a good nights sleep finally, assuming Garrett doesn't keep waking up during the night.  I have successfully worn myself out!  

My day began with Visiting Teaching.  For those of you who are going "What the heck is that?"  I'll explain a bit.  It's a system set up within our Church where the female adults in the church pair up (they receieve assignments which are carefully thought and prayed about by leaders) and visit another woman (usually 2, but we visit them seperately) in the church, get to know her better, and share a spiritual message.  Also that way if she has something she or her family need help with, she has people right there ready to help out.  We try to do this every month, and I just got a new assignment, so I've enjoyed getting to know my companion & the 2 ladies I visit teach.  It is certainly helpful getting to know more people, too, since we've been away for 2.5 months in CA, so many people have come and gone at Church.  Well, it was a lovely experience, so I had lots more energy to get things going when I got back (Tim was so good to me to watch both the kids again).

We got the kids ready, us ready, and headed off to Babies R Us to get Eleanor some more of her favorite puree fruit/veggie pouches.  Sound disgusting?  She loves them so much I seriously want to try them.  Haha!  We also found out that they make clips to hook 2 umbrella strollers together, so if we end up wanting a double stroller, that might be a great option for us.  Yes, I know.  These little things excite me, it's true.  I also found Eleanor a clearance pair of shiny pink dress shoes.  Wish they were more neutral, but she likes them & I think they'll go with a lot of her dresses still.  I got to look at baby clothes.  It made me happy, even though we didn't buy any.  I love baby clothes.  SIGH.  After that we also swung by BYU bookstore to pick up the pictures I ordered online for my kids' scrapbooks.

We got home, fed the kids and such, and it was time for bed.  Well, all in all today I put Eleanor and Garrett down about 50 times apiece.  After all, accuracy is in the eye of the beholder, right?  Well, that's what it felt like.  Maybe we need this place to become white noise central or something.  It gets old by at least the 41st time, you know?  Well, then I myself got visit taught, then I began the cleaning frenzy.

Tim took our laundry to the laundry room, then I put the whole mounds away. (I found out something interesting.  In all of the baby clothes I put away, the sizes between the 2 of them were ALL covered from 0-3 months right up until 2T!)  I then did 2 mounds of dishes, made a pitcher of juice, cleaned the counter tops, the microwave, the stove top, the bathtub, the sink, and the toilet!  I even managed to feed myself a bagel somewhere in there.  Has anyone else experienced this very VERY late form of nesting?  Haha!

Well, happy dreams to everyone, I am so ready for bed!  Happy thought of the day:  sleep makes you feel so incredibly good.  You know that good feeling when you're tired and you can just LAY DOWN after a long day of being on your feet?  I love that feeling.  And look how lucky we are, we get to do this every day of our lives, pretty much!  God is good to us!  :)

Eye rubs and laughter

This might just be one of those days that's pretty neutral.  It feels like it just passed by.  A little good, a little bad.  But just over (or nearly over).

Poor Eleanor still gets so tired when she won't nap.  I think I will try a lot harder once Tim starts grad school classes again, but for now she's still fighting it pretty bad.  She was rubbing her eyes because she was tired, and I explained to her again that she's tired because she's rubbing her eyes so much.  She gave me "the Boo brow" when I told her (furrowed her brow at me) that.  Then she said something about "Boo Boo nei nei."  I asked her if she wanted to go nei nei (to bed).  She said yes.  I asked her if she wanted to go nei nei in the crib.  She said yes.  So off we went, she followed me into the nursery, then when I put her in the crib she said no and began freaking out.  It was sure worth a try though.  I really hate seeing her so grumpy & not on her best behavior as a result of something so silly like not enough sleep.  :(  

Actually, since we returned from CA I've noticed some improvements with her sleep a little.  Sometimes she'd wake in the night & Tim would go in and talk to her and tell her to lie down and go to sleep like a good girl.  Then walk out.  On a few occasions-- IT ACTUALLY WORKED!  Who is that child and what have they done with Eleanor?!  Haha!  I can't WAIT until she can do that on a regular basis and then my only concern if she's crying in the night is that something's wrong and not just that she's crying because she's tired.  It seems like it won't be too much longer, maybe another year until it can happen every time like that.  Wow, my world will change so much when that happens!  That's such an uplifting thought to me.

Garrett is so stinking cute when he laughs.  I just love it so much, I have this terrible desire to squeeze something really hard (it can't be him or I'd hurt him).  Oh man, it just feels so good to hear him laugh.  You know how laughing releases Endorphins?  Well, maybe they should do a study about listening to a baby laugh because that seems to do it for me.  (Is there a study like that?  That would be cool!)  Today I was lifting him up under the arms then tossing his legs back in the air so it looked like he was flying for a second.  He got fits of the giggles from it, it was great.  Eleanor saw and begged Tim to make her fly as well.  

They're so cute together.  Big sister, little brother.  I know they're both so young right now and all, but I have to say, I think they love each other so much.  Today Garrett was getting some tummy time and Eleanor lay down and gave herself some tummy time too, so she could be like Garrett.  Then he just looked at her and laughed this beautiful baby laugh.  She thought that was funny so she started laughing, too.  It was almost like I could fast forward our lives and see these beautiful babies as grown kids or even young adults, playing in the living room together, cracking up about some joke one of them just made.  They're going to be adults someday, whether I like it or not (LOL).  And I can't help but feel that the love they have for each other won't die over time or even through rough circumstances and challenges they will face.

I've got a lot to do, I'm hoping to organize and make some Greek Lemon rice soup tonight (although not sure if I will since we still have lots of curry that Tim made still in the fridge).  Happy thought of the day:  Me picking out Eleanor's PJs and getting the shirt that says "I love Daddy."  I told her what it said and she says "Love daddy!  Boo boo love daddy!"  If she only knew how beautiful that kind of love is compared to all this other junk out there in the world...  happy thought.  Definitely.  ...Happy thoughts.