Monday, September 6, 2010

Olive oil, nursery, & reflections

Well, lots to report on, I guess.  Yesterday Eleanor and I went to church together since Garrett still has a bit of a cold (although it's much better now than it was) so Tim stayed home with him.  She was really good during Sacrament Meeting & I hoped that would keep up since we've been trying for many months now to get her to stay in nursery without us.  Well, after I left and waited outside the door, she was screaming "Mama-Mama-Mama!!!" like crazy.  I think she was beating on the door at one point, unless it was another kid (there's a peephole, but I couldn't see that close to the door).  Oh, MAN!  Why is life so hard sometimes?  I was about to burst into tears myself.  Eventually they calmed her down and she did fine with the nursery leaders and the other kids, but until then... man, I felt torn in two.  Half of me really wants her in there so she can be independent, but then the other half of me just wanted to whip that door open and grab her.  GOSH, being a mother is so hard!  Thankfully I restrained myself from bursting in there, because that experience was important for her.  I can't think of a time in my life where I've been so torn & empty yet relieved and thrilled.  I sat there in my Relief Society meeting (Woman's organization of our Church) feeling thrilled no one came to get me because that meant she was doing well, yet as if I were still standing outside that door thinking "Gosh, I hope she's okay!" nearly the whole time.  So, next time should be easier & it'll be Tim's turn anyhow, but this is an important step for her growth.  And our growth.  I try to tell myself this when things are rough.

Well, the other day Tim helped me get the black plastic straw thing out of the olive oil dispenser bottle (after I just finished filling it up again).  That was one of those moments that was probably entertaining for an observer to watch (if there were one), but very stressful at the time.  I was trying to make dinner, both kids were fussing, then there's poor Tim hunched over this bottle with chopsticks shouting "I almost got it!" every couple minutes.  He needed my help in pulling it out once he had it at the top, but- man!  He has better chopstick skills than me, it's official now.  (That's okay, I'll just chalk it up to his Asian genes to make myself feel better)  Speaking of those crazy moments, I was giving Eleanor a bath today and then Garrett leaked all over so Tim plopped him in the tub, too.  Garrett started freaking out, then Eleanor started freaking out, so they were both screaming their heads off in the tub together.  This, yes, this is how I know I'm feeling better because as frustrating as it was trying to calm one or both of them- part of me wanted to laugh at it.  In retrospect it's such a little thing.  They'll never even remember it.  And somehow, someway, SOMEday... I will miss even those moments.  :)

Well, there's lots more going on if I sit and think about it, but unfortunately my life is a bit too busy for that, so I'll just leave you with some reflections on family.  We had a great FHE tonight (family home evening) with a moving lesson on the importance of family and the eternal nature of families followed by a wii boxing round where Tim taught me how to play it (I've somehow always avoided the boxing one).  The memorable part not being who beat whom but rather how stupid I looked playing it & how I kept throwing punches ALL the time.  Haha, well, of the two of us, I got more of a workout, so THERE!  Haha, good times!  My husband is so patient with me.

I really have to mention how important family is.  There are so many ways that the family is under attack recently.  In my heart, this is what I always wanted.  I have two great kids, a loving husband, I even have great parents, in-laws, siblings, and extended family.  It links us together.  It tells us we won't ever be alone, no matter how hard things get, even if we don't always agree... we love each other, we try to support each other to help each other become better... and we want to live together forever.  After this life comes and goes.  I believe that families and marriages do not have to be "Until death do us part."  That really means so much when you sit and think about it.  

I love my family.  I'm grateful they put up with me sometimes.  :-P  I'm glad I put up with them.  Someday, this can be eternal.  And that matters more than a huge salary or being liked by millions of people or having a fancy car and house or getting to watch your favorite movie EVER in an IMAX theater... for free!  It's... trying.  But remember, coal and diamonds are made of the same stuff- the difference is pressure.  Trials.  Hardship.  It refines us in a way nothing else can.  Happy thought of the day?  I think that about covers it.  :)

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