So. I am sleep deprived, so I'll keep this short.
I know I shouldn't be such a future oriented person, but how do you even start to control thoughts like that? Sigh.
I put each of my kids to sleep tonight thinking about their futures. Will Eleanor someday be a singer? A musician? Will she do well in school? Will she be a good example as a big sister? Will she be really obedient? Will she come to know for herself that God loves her? So many things to think about. (Okay, we did just read O the Things You Can Think before bed, so maybe that got my brain going a little)
Today she said "Minnie pray? Minnie eat?" I asked her if Minnie was going to pray before she ate her food. "Yeah! Dear Heavenly Father..." then she just grinned at me. WOW! Not even two years old... I... I am shocked at all she is capable of sometimes. She also shocked me today when coloring she was using her yellow colored pencil and she said "Hard to see." Haha! How can a parent help but feel pride at how much they are learning? God only knows what we are capable of, even as adults! I mean... if kids so young with their brains still developing can learn so much so quickly... you put it together...
Watching Garrett (I think his new nickname aside from Gare Bear is becoming Chubb-Chubb) fall into a deep sleep in my arms I couldn't help but wonder about him as well. Will he be gentle as his name Garrett means? Will he serve a mission? Will he like to make people smile and tell jokes? Will he struggle finding his talents? One can only guess. God knows these amazing souls better than I ever will, even in all the days of my life here. I am so blessed to have them both.
Garrett drank a bit of water from his sippy cup today. With help tipping it up, of course. He wasn't too opposed to it like Eleanor was at first, but he definitely preferred his binky. We also gave him bananas for the 1st time today, and he HATED it. It was pretty funny. If he keeps it up, I'll have to sneak a video. :) He hasn't made a lot of funny faces while taking his solids for the first time like Eleanor did either. Maybe he'll make up for it later. :)
Happy thought of the day: No matter how bad the bad times are, good times replace them. And in time, in retrospect looking back, we learn something important from those struggles. It's not a total waste, even if it feels that way at the time.
Yikes bikes, indeed! Eleanor just started saying this today- it's a phrase her Aunt says. It was pretty hilarious. I guess I'll just catalog a few of the other cute Eleanor moments before I forget them. We just got a package today and she wanted to open it. I was feeding Garrett so I said she could go ahead and open it if she wanted to (there was clear packing tape all over, there was no real hope of her succeeding). So she tried hard for about a minute then looked at me all seriously and said "Boo boo can't do." Haha! I didn't know she could even SAY "can't" let alone use it in context. After that I told her I'd get it when Garrett was done eating. I asked her if she was hungry, she burped right on cue then said "No." Well. I guess not. Haha! She took a 2.5 hour nap today! I couldn't believe it-- the napless toddler of mine napped for so long... I didn't even know what to do with myself. I laid her down, told her to lay down & try to sleep... and I gave her Minnie Mouse, closed the door and walked out. Literally a one second whine, then I didn't hear from her again until two and a half hours later when I heard monkey sounds issuing from her bedroom. Sometimes... life is fun. :)
Well, there's so much to recap on, I don't even know where to start. My in-laws came and went, it went by so fast! Here are the quick overviews of it- our tv cabinet got repaired so our shelf won't snap in half now, we got some food (dark chocolate covered acai/blueberries, V8 Splash, spinach ravioli, three homemade meals, uncountable amounts of cookies/muffins, and flavored water, just to name a few), we saw Tim's cousin as she just came up to BYU, played lots with the kids (some new Minnie Mouse paraphernalia got left behind), had some adult conversation (Wow! I know! It's amazing!), and I got some work done on their scrapbooks/baby books. That's the short version of it. It was hard saying goodbye, probably for everyone involved. Eleanor might have shown that the most passionately, but in watching her as it was starting to sink in that Grandma & Grandpa weren't just saying goodnight but goodBYE, it's true, I know how she feels. I just care too much about what people think to break down in tears like her about it. Poor girl, there's nothing we can really say at this age to make it easier. I tell her we'll see them at Christmas, but that means nothing to her yet. It's hard to see your kids sad, that's for sure. Thankfully, the next morning she did much better with it.
And what about Garrett? Well, Eleanor's been trying to teach him how to walk:
I don't think he was so thrilled about it, although he didn't mind it, either.
Truth be told, I don't think he caught on very quickly. It was fun but we ended just before my back gave out.
Good times, good times. No, other then that, Garrett hasn't been feeling well, he's gotten a cold. If it doesn't clear up really soon, we get to visit our pediatrician. Actually, we need to anyhow, he's due for a check up and shots again. Sigh.
I can't believe Garrett is so old! I put him in a 6-12 month shirt today and it fit... I know he's going to be 8 months soon so it shouldn't have surprised me that it fit, but... I think it has something to do with the fact that is says 12 months at the end- EEEEK! He's so old!
Well, not much I can do about it, I just need to enjoy each moment with him better, before it's all gone in the blink of an eye.
Here is my happy thought of the day: Reading the Ensign (our church magazine) and pondering my life and how I can make it better. It makes me feel like a new person. I need to do that every day, it feels so good!
I feel like we've been telling Eleanor that for so long (ever since we left CA) and she really hasn't truly believed us until this evening when they came. She seemed confused for a few minutes when they came in the door, but by the end of the night she seemed to be doing better (She's still addicted to Grandma like Garrett is to his binky).
I guess I'll throw caution to the superstitions and without knocking on wood will say they are both sleeping surprisingly well right now for sleeping so little during the day and going to bed so late.
I'm excited for all that tomorrow may bring with my in-laws. Sometimes I think it really helps me appreciate my own kids so much more once I see other people loving & enjoying them as well. I'm not sure why but I won't knock it. They are pretty stinking adorable.
I wonder if other people with children go through the same ups and downs as me. Sometimes my kids are so needy & frustrating I think "How can I even handle what I have, let alone any more someday?" And yet other days I feel like I could just have 20 kids just like them and it wouldn't be enough, it's just so wonderful to be a mother. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone in these feelings. (For anyone reading this wishing for further clarification, no, I'm not pregnant again, but we do plan on having more than 2 for sure someday)
We went out to dinner at P.F. Changs (Yum!) and it was great. I love being with my family. In laws or not, they are my family and I'm blessed to have them in my life. I don't know how many people can say that with all the stereotypical in law horror stories you hear out there. But it's great. Not sure what else this weekend holds for us, but I'll try to keep you up to date.
Well, here's my happy thought of the day: Nothing can mar your joy but yourself. Even in the worst of situations, jokes can be made, smiles can ensue, and laughter (even through tears) can be the best medicine. If the Messiah could love us enough to endure what He endured for us because He knew of the joy it would bring to the world as a result... there is no true sorrow in our sorrows. For as we will, all that is wrong can be made right again. What could possibly be a happier thought than that?
I ought to have a good nights sleep finally, assuming Garrett doesn't keep waking up during the night. I have successfully worn myself out!
My day began with Visiting Teaching. For those of you who are going "What the heck is that?" I'll explain a bit. It's a system set up within our Church where the female adults in the church pair up (they receieve assignments which are carefully thought and prayed about by leaders) and visit another woman (usually 2, but we visit them seperately) in the church, get to know her better, and share a spiritual message. Also that way if she has something she or her family need help with, she has people right there ready to help out. We try to do this every month, and I just got a new assignment, so I've enjoyed getting to know my companion & the 2 ladies I visit teach. It is certainly helpful getting to know more people, too, since we've been away for 2.5 months in CA, so many people have come and gone at Church. Well, it was a lovely experience, so I had lots more energy to get things going when I got back (Tim was so good to me to watch both the kids again).
We got the kids ready, us ready, and headed off to Babies R Us to get Eleanor some more of her favorite puree fruit/veggie pouches. Sound disgusting? She loves them so much I seriously want to try them. Haha! We also found out that they make clips to hook 2 umbrella strollers together, so if we end up wanting a double stroller, that might be a great option for us. Yes, I know. These little things excite me, it's true. I also found Eleanor a clearance pair of shiny pink dress shoes. Wish they were more neutral, but she likes them & I think they'll go with a lot of her dresses still. I got to look at baby clothes. It made me happy, even though we didn't buy any. I love baby clothes. SIGH. After that we also swung by BYU bookstore to pick up the pictures I ordered online for my kids' scrapbooks.
We got home, fed the kids and such, and it was time for bed. Well, all in all today I put Eleanor and Garrett down about 50 times apiece. After all, accuracy is in the eye of the beholder, right? Well, that's what it felt like. Maybe we need this place to become white noise central or something. It gets old by at least the 41st time, you know? Well, then I myself got visit taught, then I began the cleaning frenzy.
Tim took our laundry to the laundry room, then I put the whole mounds away. (I found out something interesting. In all of the baby clothes I put away, the sizes between the 2 of them were ALL covered from 0-3 months right up until 2T!) I then did 2 mounds of dishes, made a pitcher of juice, cleaned the counter tops, the microwave, the stove top, the bathtub, the sink, and the toilet! I even managed to feed myself a bagel somewhere in there. Has anyone else experienced this very VERY late form of nesting? Haha!
Well, happy dreams to everyone, I am so ready for bed! Happy thought of the day: sleep makes you feel so incredibly good. You know that good feeling when you're tired and you can just LAY DOWN after a long day of being on your feet? I love that feeling. And look how lucky we are, we get to do this every day of our lives, pretty much! God is good to us! :)
This might just be one of those days that's pretty neutral. It feels like it just passed by. A little good, a little bad. But just over (or nearly over).
Poor Eleanor still gets so tired when she won't nap. I think I will try a lot harder once Tim starts grad school classes again, but for now she's still fighting it pretty bad. She was rubbing her eyes because she was tired, and I explained to her again that she's tired because she's rubbing her eyes so much. She gave me "the Boo brow" when I told her (furrowed her brow at me) that. Then she said something about "Boo Boo nei nei." I asked her if she wanted to go nei nei (to bed). She said yes. I asked her if she wanted to go nei nei in the crib. She said yes. So off we went, she followed me into the nursery, then when I put her in the crib she said no and began freaking out. It was sure worth a try though. I really hate seeing her so grumpy & not on her best behavior as a result of something so silly like not enough sleep. :(
Actually, since we returned from CA I've noticed some improvements with her sleep a little. Sometimes she'd wake in the night & Tim would go in and talk to her and tell her to lie down and go to sleep like a good girl. Then walk out. On a few occasions-- IT ACTUALLY WORKED! Who is that child and what have they done with Eleanor?! Haha! I can't WAIT until she can do that on a regular basis and then my only concern if she's crying in the night is that something's wrong and not just that she's crying because she's tired. It seems like it won't be too much longer, maybe another year until it can happen every time like that. Wow, my world will change so much when that happens! That's such an uplifting thought to me.
Garrett is so stinking cute when he laughs. I just love it so much, I have this terrible desire to squeeze something really hard (it can't be him or I'd hurt him). Oh man, it just feels so good to hear him laugh. You know how laughing releases Endorphins? Well, maybe they should do a study about listening to a baby laugh because that seems to do it for me. (Is there a study like that? That would be cool!) Today I was lifting him up under the arms then tossing his legs back in the air so it looked like he was flying for a second. He got fits of the giggles from it, it was great. Eleanor saw and begged Tim to make her fly as well.
Today seemed like such a blur! That might be part because church is so late here now, so we consequently get out late, but wow! I'm ready for bed.
Garrett kept getting up in the night last night, I had to rock him back to sleep three different times, then finally he woke at 6:30am I fed him, and put him right back to bed. I am ever grateful to my husband for the way he takes care of me and let me sleep as long as I could after that night. I've realized that while I may be getting over my depression more, my body is still so sore and achy. I have more energy than I used to, but at times like this I sure do miss my old roommate who was a massage therapist. :)
Balancing the kids at church is still rough but getting better little by little. Eleanor stayed in nursery a bit longer this week than last, which is saying a lot since things are crazy in there as they are between nursery leaders at the moment. I ended up holding Garrett in church and he fell asleep in my arms with no effort on my part at all. My arm almost went numb from it, though. It's amazing how heavy these kids are. Light enough to be in the lower percentiles on growth charts and yet heavy enough to make my arms buff. Interesting how that works.
My kids are just so cute, I LOVE getting them dressed up for church. The dresses and suit sets the hairdos and the ties... ah, I just love it! It's just one of those small moments in my life where unless my kids are throwing the biggest tantrum ever or something, they are so stinking cute no matter what they do. I jokingly told Tim last week that Garrett looks so cute dressed up that I'm going to dress him up like that every day. I think his retort was more facial than verbal, but, yeah, I would if it were more practical just because it's SOOOO cute! I'm always in a better mood when my kids are dressed in something I think is super cute. Not sure why it works like that, really, but it does.
On a random and completely unrelated note, Tim and I have decided that we like our sheet straps (They connect under the mattress, keeping the bed sheets on tight). I don't know why this invention hasn't been a part of our modern life until just recently when we saw them on my cousin's wedding registry and finally decided to go buy them and give them a try a couple days ago. Another one of those things that makes our life simpler. I love it, and I need lots of those things that simplify life.
I'm hoping to start organizing things really well this next semester as we haven't got that much more time left and I HATE that crazy rushing around trying to pack things up last minute stuff. I figure if things are well organized, they have a better chance of staying that way for the next few months while we live here. Then packing will be easier when the time comes. That's the packing ideal. We'll see how the reality chooses to unfold itself.
Well, it seems like we all need something uplifting, so here's my happy thought of the day: God loves us, no matter how imperfect we are. And He is so happy for us when we do something right. It reminds me of when Eleanor went on the potty for the first (and so far the only) time. Yeah, her onesie slid into it so I had more of a mess to clean up than if she'd just gone in her diaper like normal. Yet it was a big deal as her parent to see her accomplish something that adults & "big kids" do. I found myself saying things like "I am SO proud of you! Eleanor, you are such a big girl!" Sometimes we can make a bigger mess out of things when we're trying to do the right thing, but when we're putting in our best effort, God knows (and will bless us for it), and He feels what I felt about my daughter in a much more perfect way than I can comprehend. I know God feels that for each of us in the things that we struggle with at this very moment in time. And He sees more potential in us than we ever thought we COULD have.
Well, another day in the Harrison household. It's been exhausting.
It's funny, I can still recall being young and wanting to do something over and over again because it was so much fun. Now that I'm on the flip side of it, performing things over and over again for Eleanor, I begin to wonder when she'll tire of it. (or secretly fear she NEVER will and four hours later I will have to break down in tears telling her I just can't bear to make Minnie Mouse tap dance anymore) How do moms have this kind of stamina? I feel like I barely make it some days.
I think I'm also a tad concerned Eleanor isn't as independent as she could be. She often asks us to do things for her that she can clearly do herself like put her book away or open a certain toy or such. I want her to learn to do things all by herself, but if she's REALLY too stubborn about it, there's not much I can do. I'm hoping that once Garrett gets older it will help her want to set the example for him so she'll take off with wanting to do things all by herself. I sure hope so. The words "Mama do." and "Dada do." are getting a bit old when it IS something I know she can do.
Speaking of repetition, Eleanor has a bit of a pine cone obsession. Or should I say a love-hate relationship with them? She spots them right away, announces their presence, then points at them. After a while she gets close to them. Then she may ask to touch them and either do it but stop right away or won't touch them (even after I have). She thinks that the springs on Garrett's crib are pine cones for some reason. No matter what kind of logic I use, it doesn't seem to convince her. "No, those are springs. They're part of the crib. Can you say springs?" "Spring." "Good job!" "...Pine cone?" "No, see those are metal. Pine cones aren't metal." "Oh. ...Pine cone?" "No, look it's shiny silver like mama's shoes. Pine cones are brown. ...Brown." "Shiny silver?" "Yes, exactly!" "...Pine cone?"
The other big one today was "Minnie hide?" She hides from Minnie by Garrett's crib and she waits for me to have Minnie guess where she is or make up silly rhymes about her. I do a high pitched Minnie voice and ask her things like: "Where is Boo Boo? Is she in a shoe? Is she wearing blue? Is she going poo?" (she once responded yes to this very quietly, but none of the others- it was hard not to laugh) Then I poke her around the crib. "THERE'S Boo Boo!" Then toss her at her. She thinks it's hilarious, tosses her at me and says "Minnie hide." Then hides again. Really, could my life be any more fun? I need to keep a rhyming dictionary on me, though, I got stumped a couple times. Does nothing really rhyme with orange???? Man!
Repetition isn't working as well for Garrett recently. Just the past couple of days he's been really hard to put to sleep. He sleeps pretty well once he's out, which I probably can never be grateful enough for, but it's still rough. What used to put him to sleep isn't working as well anymore. We'll just have to keep trying, I guess. In general he's such a happy baby, though. I'm almost done making his picture frame that has all the names for him (Chinese, Japanese, & the meanings we picked for his English name) & it really makes me wonder what kind of an adult he'll grow up to be someday.
We are so blessed to have such great kids. They wear me out, but that's still so much better than being so bored that being bored wears you out. Yes, it can happen to adults, and it's awful. :) So, here's my happy thought of the day: No matter what you spend your time doing, if it doesn't bring you lasting happiness, it's not worthy of your time. Time is too precious, our lives here are too short. Enjoy!
Dear world,
Here we go, my first blog. I guess I feel the need to vent more than facebook can allow me to properly. So here I am. What is going on with me? Kids. Kids are going on with me. It's hard to not feel that they've taken over my life, but I don't really mean that in a bad way.
Eleanor took a nap yesterday for the first time in a long time, I was pleased about that, but then she had the hardest time trying to go to sleep, even way into the night. I can't help but wonder what's going to happen once we finally get them both sleeping in the same room. I hear that kids will just get used to each other, but that sounds like advice from someone who has forgotten what it was like UNTIL that point. Not trying to be negative, but I know it is easy to forget things as you go. We'll deal with it once Garrett can sleep in a long stretch without any of those binky- withdrawal cries during the night. Although it has gotten better than when we were in CA when I swear I got up 14 times in the night over it.
I still have yet to understand why children fight their sleep. That is the gist of my story.
Today Eleanor wanted to play ring around the rosy with her stuffed animals (namely 3 Elmos, 3 Minnies, and one llama llama). She wanted me to make them dance and when they "fall down" I chuck some at her while she laughs and tries to run away. Usually pretty fun (but a tad monotonous for me) until she tripped over her feet and fell in the hall. My calming her didn't work so well, and soon Garrett had an abrupt waking from his nap, even though he was in the nursery with the door closed. When she calmed down enough to show me where the ouch was it didn't look too bad- a red spot next to her eyebrow- probably will have a small bruise. Two crying babies-- this is what I had feared for so long in the hospital right after Garrett's birth. Yet... it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's hard. But every day is. Every day is hard with one kid. Every day is hard with no kids. And every day is hard without a spouse. I'm quite certain I made the right choice each step of the way in my life, for it brings me lots of joy, sometimes even during those rough moments. Had one of those today, too.
Garrett was having a rough time going to sleep, no position was helping him fall asleep, even though he was obviously tired. So I lay down on the couch next to him with my arm over him so he can't roll away. And then he calms down more and more, his eyelids droop... and droop... and... and then he looks at me and sees my face is right next to his, and starts giggling like mad. He had trouble stopping once I joined in. So much for bedtime. We went on a walk. That didn't work either. It was time to feed him again. That didn't work either. More rocking. Even still not sure if it's the real deal or if he'll be up crying soon.
This is my life. I'm getting quite used to it, hard as it is. I want my kids to be happy. I'm so incredibly not perfect. But I love them. I want them to love me. I'm waiting for that moment when my kids willingly offer me an "I love you." without anyone else asking them to. And I know I'm going to need a bunch of tissues when they do.
I know I'm starting to get over my PPD. I can't explain it, but I just know it deep down inside of me. Kind of like how you just KNOW when one of your kids is filling their diaper. Just like that. Something has changed, ever since we got back from CA. Like Mary Poppins just snapped her fingers- POP! 90% better! Not totally, I don't know as that's possible. But it helps me be a lot more hopeful, that's for sure. I'm learning so much more, and I think I'll finally come to be more of a blessing in my husband's life than a stressor. That's just how it is after about two years straight battling depression. He sure could use that during his last year in school ever- no?
I hope that I can not only properly vent through this blog, but can uplift and inspire those around me. Here's my Happy Thought of the Day: Kids laughing at something I don't even find funny can still still make me laugh.
