Sunday, October 17, 2010

A thoughtful Sunday

Well, a lot keeps happening here, it seems.  Eleanor had her birthday, a bunch of crazy un-extraordinary stuff happened, then Tim had his birthday yesterday.  Now it's Sunday yet again and I have managed to get everything done that I was supposed to.  Well, okay, other than taking out the trash.

I'm not sure how to explain my life right now.  I think I've spent a lot more time than usual pondering things.  Our future, our past, even our present.  The latter is quite unlike me, I know.  I just can't seem to help but think how blessed we are.  I know that a lot of religious people always seem to be saying that, maybe to the point where it seems trite or maybe even meaningless.  But to me it is not.  These children we have are so amazing.  They do brighten my days.  They make me forget why I'm not smiling.  So many times a day.  I really don't know what I'd do without them.

Was it hard having two kids right after we got married, 16 months apart?  Yeah, of course.  But in some ways, in wondering what our lives would have been like had we changed any of that, I think it would have been harder.  Harder in the long run.  Harder because we didn't do what God wanted us to do.  I know that seems odd, maybe backwards to many, but I can't deny that these kids were meant to grow up together so close in age like this.  I love that Eleanor is starting to make Garrett laugh all the time and that Eleanor is learning how to care for a baby already.  She loves to help in any way that she can.

I don't think words can describe what I feel for my kids.  These little... tiny people who will someday grow up to be big like us.  Who will someday be discussing things like their views on politics and what career path they might enjoy.  Who will someday get their own mail from both credit card companies and colleges.  They'll go on... dates.  (*cringe*)  They are real people now, not capable of these things yet, but it's coming.  And for some reason, it feels very real to me at the moment.  They are astounding to think about.  Their future lies before them with so many questions unanswered yet.  And for now, for this moment, I'm liking that.  They can be anyone they want to.  And no matter what, I will always love them.  I will always remember what this stage of my life was like with them and look back on it.  It won't seem so vivid then, I'm sure.  And I'll have long forgotten why I was so stressed out about all these little things.  But somewhere in my heart I will always have this captured and tucked away to remember.

Eleanor says the funniest things, whether she understands them or not.  She learns quickly and she loves people and cares about them instantly.  Garrett is chill but very tender.  Me leaving the room can cause an anxiety attack in his little world.  He is already loving laughter, to see others smile at him causes him such joy.  I can only understand the tip of the iceberg of what their personalities really are, but they are wonderful.  And they are my future.  I see them in my future through the eternities.  And I love it.

It's hard for me to think of a happier thought of the day than what I've already said, so maybe I should just leave it at that.  Life is beautiful.  Life is even more beautiful when you have children to share it with.

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